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Tantra & Tantric Sex: A Beginner's Guide

Tantra & Tantric Sex: A Beginner's Guide

5 minute read

by Hakima Tantrika

If you are spaced out during sex (or even in ordinary moments of your life), you probably need tantra to stay more present.

What is tantra?

Tantra is an ancient philosophy and spiritual practice from India. The word tantra comes from Sanskrit and means “a tool for expansion and connection.” 

When you look carefully at the definition, you will understand that tantra was not originally known as a sexual practice. Essentially, 99% of its teachings have nothing to do with sex. Tantra does not repress sexual energy; but instead, it uses it to enhance connection. 

Whereas most holistic practices put aside sexuality, tantra uses sexual energy to reach higher levels of consciousness. You might agree that sexual unions are opportunities to let go of our egos or to become more aware of unconscious patterns manifesting.

With tantra, you are more conscious about what is happening with your body and with your partner. As a result, you feel more connected - first with yourself, and then with others.

Tantric sex

Tantric sex is slow and mindful. You want to set aside at least two to four hours to fully enjoy it. But don't worry - that doesn't mean that you will experience penetration for that entire time!

Tantric sex consists of many rituals, massages, and intimate connections with your partner. It's more than just penetration. During tantric sex, you will connect as divine beings who are worthy of love, respect, and worship.

Couples who practice tantric sex report: 

- Becoming more easily aroused

- Experiencing full-body orgasms

- Enjoying more passionate and intimate connections with their partner.

tantric sex couple practicing tantra

Your guide to tantric sex

With tantric sex, it is not all about the "what," but more so about the "how." Follow these four easy steps, and you will enjoy the practice of having tantric sex over and over again.

1. Set up your love temple

What is a love temple? It is a place that you value and prioritize. Your bedroom, or any other room, can play this role. 

You will want to tidy the space and decorate it with beautiful items like cushions, crystals, flowers or silk sheets. It's all about the ambience.

The lighting is important because you want to promote a place for relaxation. Light candles and put on some relaxing music. Burn some incense or infuse essential oils to stimulate your sense of smell.

2. Connect with each other

Invite your lover into your love temple and sit facing each other with your legs crossed. Look intensely into their eyes in this eye-gazing ritual.

If you've never done this before, it might make you a bit uncomfortable at first. If this is the case, notice the uncomfortable feeling, and then let it go. It is said that the eyes are the doors to the soul. When you connect with another soul, it puts you into a deep, trance-like state.

Then, put one hand on your partner’s heart and ask them to do the same. With your other hand, gently touch their hair, face, neck, hips, and legs, moving from head to toe. Once you have completed a full body scan with one hand, you have completed the welcome ritual and can move on to a full body massage.

couple intimate staring tantra tantric sex

3. Breathe in rhythm

When we are aroused, we tend to constrict or hold our breaths. But when you remember to breathe deeply in this moment, it helps you move sexual energy throughout your body.

The best way to breathe is to do so in rhythm with your partner. You can perform the yab-yum position, where one partner sits on the top and wraps their legs around the other’s waist. This position facilitates penetration, if desired.

Breathe in deeply and take deep belly breaths. This position increases your level of oxytocin - the bonding hormone. When you spend more time to stroke each other and look into each other’s eyes, your body produces more oxytocin, making love and intimate feelings even stronger. For this reason, you may stay in an aroused state for a longer period of time and possibly even reach a state of euphoria.

4. Penetration and orgasm

If you have been taking it slow so far, you may want to proceed with penetration. If you do so, keep your intention to be present in mind and let go of expectations.

A great way to increase your orgasmic capacity is to make sounds. In tantra, we make a lot of silly noises. The sounds we make are key to orgasm, and sometimes you have to exaggerate the sound to really feel the orgasm.

Our mind can block erotic energy, but it can also create it. So consciously vocalize and make noises to release your erotic energy.

During penetration, you may want to use your favorite lube  or maybe even a sex toy. If you do, be sure to do so with love and consciousness.


Hopefully, these tips have inspired you to try tantric sex or to learn more about tantra. Remember, tantra is all about connection and presence, and it can turn your lovemaking into a deeply spiritual experience.


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