9 Ways to Increase Your Sex Drive
We all go through periods of having a low libido. Whether it’s a change in medication, added life stress, or just the cycles and rhythms of our bodies, it’s completely normal to feel a decrease in your sex drive sometimes.
We know it can be frustrating though, especially when you're out of rhythm with your partner or if you would like to be having more sex. Fortunately, there are things that can help boost it. Here are ten ways to increase your sex drive:
It may feel like a paradox: if you’re not in the mood, how do you even get started? But, physical touch without the pressure or expectation of sex can help us relax and build intimacy, eventually kicking off that sometimes elusive libido. Kissing, cuddling, and other types of low-key foreplay are often a gateway to more intense desires.
As little kids, many of us loved playing dress up - it's still fun for grownups, just in a different way! Sexy new lingerie (whether it’s a see-through bra, a silky teddy, or a slinky harness that makes you feel like a sex bomb) can ignite your sex drive and make you feel revved up and ready to play.
Try treating the process like it's steamy self-care, and play your favorite sexy music while you’re getting dressed up or use that special perfume or lipstick you’ve been saving for a special occasion.
Our bodies are one big tangle of nerves, hormones, and chemicals. So, what we eat has a whole lot to do with how we feel, meaning that some foods can actually impact our sex drive.
Paying attention to your diet is important if you’re trying to affect your libido. Saffron, a fragrant spice, can act as an aphrodisiac, so try whipping up a batch of delicious paella the next time you’d like to get frisky. Chocolate and coffee, both full of energy-boosting caffeine, are also common aphrodisiacs. Some other examples are pistachios, figs, oysters, and strawberries.
Are you kinda freaked out by the weird supplements at the gas station that claim to give you sexual superpowers? So are we. Good thing there are safer, simpler ways to get an herbal boost to help you out in bed.
Tribulus terrestris, a leafy plant you can often find at Chinese medicine stores, has been shown in some studies to improve libido. Or, try Maca, a root vegetable that often comes in powders or capsules at health food stores.
There’s a reason humans have enjoyed pornography and erotic stories throughout history: they’re an excellent way to get in the mood and to see (or read) your fantasies played out.
Schedule some time to watch some porn with your partner, and see if you two feel like going at it afterwards (or during). Or, find an erotic story that really gets you going, and send it to your partner with a note about what you like in it.
The combination of filling your mind with sexy stories and the anticipation of knowing that your partner is also percolating the same stuff can be a heady combination!
As much as our libido is in our mind, it’s also in our bodies. Sometimes, what needs that little oomph is not between our ears, but between our legs.
Trying New Things
Sometimes, a dip in sexual interest is just the result of a slow period in your sex life. Novelty is one of the driving pleasures of life, and there’s no shame in realizing that you’re just not as excited by the same things anymore.
Trying something new in bed, like roleplaying or some BDSM, can help reawaken the beast and spark a new passion. Having to bring a “beginner’s mind” makes sex new and exciting, and you can also start building up to the main event by reading about, fantasizing, shopping, and otherwise planning for your new adventure.
Sexting is perhaps one of the best ways to kickstart a flagging libido because it does so many things at once. First, it’s low-stakes and low-pressure.
When you sext with someone, there’s no immediate ability for things to turn physical, so any and all stress is removed. Plus, it builds anticipation, giving your mind and body time to get warmed up. Finally, it’s an excellent opportunity to share fantasies, which can make things in the bedroom even more fun.
Having a safe place to play out what you want to happen IRL is a great step in learning how to communicate...
Even if you’re not sexting, talking things out can be critical to reigniting your sex drive and creating a safe space for yourself and your partner(s). Find a calm, safe context to share whatever’s bothering you or things you would like to try, and see if there’s anything your partner can do to help reduce stress or lift you up.
If anything on this list strikes your fantasy, use these open lines of communication to check in about it and make plans.